Classic Monsters, Modern Movies
Okay people, time for another round-up of movies that I wouldn't say are great art, but they are great. The flavor of the week is classic movie monsters, as they are transcribed into modern movies and settings. The Loonatic already put together a list with this same theme, so bear with me as we go a little Halloween-crazy.
1. Ginger Snaps
Honestly, who needs Teen Wolf? Sure, the 80s take on the wolf-man story is pure, wacky, cocaine-driven camp, and the new series, uh...well, it pretends that lacrosse is a normal American sport. Just kidding, I actually enjoy some parts of the man-pain-powered modern TV series. But if you're looking for a modern retelling of the classic wolf-man story that retains the emotional tension of one person slowly being driven from gentle humanity to visceral beastliness, I would direct you instead to the glorious Ginger Snaps. It's a classic tale of teenage angst, using the lens of lycanthropy to show the emotional dissonance that teens can feel with themselves and their peers. In that way, it's a film that mirrors Carrie and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, especially because it focuses not just on the teenage experience, but the female teenage experience. Plus it posits that lycanthropy can be passed though unprotected sex like an STI, which is just hilarious to me.
2. Dracula 2000
So there are a lot of movies based on Dracula. Just, so many movies. I could probably make a daily calendar with each day featuring a different Dracula-based movie. And many of them are bad. Vampires in general are not my favorite genre (Anne Rice is eh, Bela Lugosi is meh, Twilight is hell no), but there are exceptions. This movie is one of those. It's not going to be winning any Oscars, but it's interesting because it mixes together a lot of different elements. It's a movie that follows Dracula into the modern era, both as a sequel to the original story and as a mirror of the original story, as well as throwing in some biblical story-telling. And aside from every bad part of the movie, watching Jonny Lee Miller yell "Never, ever fuck with an antiques dealer!" as he kills a vampiric Omar Epps is an experience that is not to be missed.
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Okay, so I know I said I don't really like vampires as a genre, and here I have two different vampire movies on my list. But really, there is such a glut of them, there's bound to be at least a few that I like. And although I am a huge fan of Buffy TV series (and the Angel spin-off), I feel that it's a crime to ignore the movie that first spawned the idea. This was kind of the first run that Joss Whedon took at the concept. Although he is credited as the writer, the directors went with a somewhat goofier, lighter version of the concept than Whedon's darker, grittier TV series. Still, both Buffy's follow a stereotypical valley girl as she is reluctantly inducted as the Chosen One, a mystical vampire slayer with superhuman abilities. The benefit of the original movie is the inclusion of Rutger Hauer as a delightfully over-the-top Dracula-ish character.
4. and 5. The Craft and The Covenant
What would classic horror and Halloween stories be without a fistful of witches? And while I should probably put Hocus Pocus or Practical Magic up here (both are wonderful and worth a watch), I'm instead going to give you two for the price of one and highlight The Craft and The Covenant. The Craft is a witchy staple for all teenagers. Not only does it portray the friendship of outsiders banding together in high school (and the fracturing that these relationships can experience), but it also enforces the Rule of Three (a common Wiccan tenet that warns against using magic for evil intentions because that negativity will be returned to you threefold). Think of it like Mean Girls, but goth. The Covenant is one of the somewhat rarer versions of this trope (witch cliques) designed around teenage boys. I wouldn't say that it's as good as The Craft, but on the other hand it's way less terrifying, plus it has Taylor Kitsch (Gambit from the Wolverine: Origin movie and Alex Hopper in the hilariously stupid Battleship), Chace Crawford (currently playing the pathetically despicable Aquaman rip-off in The Boys), Stephen Strait (currently in The Expanse, but who starred as the bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold in Sky High, which is one of my favorite stupid feel-good movies), and none other that Sebastian Stan (way back before he was everyone's favorite amnesiac assassin).
1. Ginger Snaps
Honestly, who needs Teen Wolf? Sure, the 80s take on the wolf-man story is pure, wacky, cocaine-driven camp, and the new series, uh...well, it pretends that lacrosse is a normal American sport. Just kidding, I actually enjoy some parts of the man-pain-powered modern TV series. But if you're looking for a modern retelling of the classic wolf-man story that retains the emotional tension of one person slowly being driven from gentle humanity to visceral beastliness, I would direct you instead to the glorious Ginger Snaps. It's a classic tale of teenage angst, using the lens of lycanthropy to show the emotional dissonance that teens can feel with themselves and their peers. In that way, it's a film that mirrors Carrie and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, especially because it focuses not just on the teenage experience, but the female teenage experience. Plus it posits that lycanthropy can be passed though unprotected sex like an STI, which is just hilarious to me.
2. Dracula 2000
So there are a lot of movies based on Dracula. Just, so many movies. I could probably make a daily calendar with each day featuring a different Dracula-based movie. And many of them are bad. Vampires in general are not my favorite genre (Anne Rice is eh, Bela Lugosi is meh, Twilight is hell no), but there are exceptions. This movie is one of those. It's not going to be winning any Oscars, but it's interesting because it mixes together a lot of different elements. It's a movie that follows Dracula into the modern era, both as a sequel to the original story and as a mirror of the original story, as well as throwing in some biblical story-telling. And aside from every bad part of the movie, watching Jonny Lee Miller yell "Never, ever fuck with an antiques dealer!" as he kills a vampiric Omar Epps is an experience that is not to be missed.
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Okay, so I know I said I don't really like vampires as a genre, and here I have two different vampire movies on my list. But really, there is such a glut of them, there's bound to be at least a few that I like. And although I am a huge fan of Buffy TV series (and the Angel spin-off), I feel that it's a crime to ignore the movie that first spawned the idea. This was kind of the first run that Joss Whedon took at the concept. Although he is credited as the writer, the directors went with a somewhat goofier, lighter version of the concept than Whedon's darker, grittier TV series. Still, both Buffy's follow a stereotypical valley girl as she is reluctantly inducted as the Chosen One, a mystical vampire slayer with superhuman abilities. The benefit of the original movie is the inclusion of Rutger Hauer as a delightfully over-the-top Dracula-ish character.
4. and 5. The Craft and The Covenant
What would classic horror and Halloween stories be without a fistful of witches? And while I should probably put Hocus Pocus or Practical Magic up here (both are wonderful and worth a watch), I'm instead going to give you two for the price of one and highlight The Craft and The Covenant. The Craft is a witchy staple for all teenagers. Not only does it portray the friendship of outsiders banding together in high school (and the fracturing that these relationships can experience), but it also enforces the Rule of Three (a common Wiccan tenet that warns against using magic for evil intentions because that negativity will be returned to you threefold). Think of it like Mean Girls, but goth. The Covenant is one of the somewhat rarer versions of this trope (witch cliques) designed around teenage boys. I wouldn't say that it's as good as The Craft, but on the other hand it's way less terrifying, plus it has Taylor Kitsch (Gambit from the Wolverine: Origin movie and Alex Hopper in the hilariously stupid Battleship), Chace Crawford (currently playing the pathetically despicable Aquaman rip-off in The Boys), Stephen Strait (currently in The Expanse, but who starred as the bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold in Sky High, which is one of my favorite stupid feel-good movies), and none other that Sebastian Stan (way back before he was everyone's favorite amnesiac assassin).
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